My Mother-in-law (MIL) always had weak knees, which got even worse after she fell down, and she fractured one of them in late 2013. My Father-in-law (FIL), who had been pretty healthy all along, surprised us when he had a massive heart attack in mid-2017. You know who accompanied them to-and-from hospitals? Yup, me! ✌👴👵👩

Whereever we go, people will ask my PIL what is my relationship with them, and all are surprised when they hear that I am the daughter-in-law! Hospital staff, restaurant waiters and retail staff remark that they seldom hear of daughter-in-laws accompanying parents-in-laws (PIL)! You can’t beat my hubby and me when it comes to filial piety.

But… I’ll tell you something regarding parent-children relationship, which has nothing to do with whether I am filial or not. It is extremely unfair for parents to use ’emotional blackmail’ on their kids, ‘simply because we raised you, we gave you food and water, and we paid for your education.’ If a parent was not ready to do all that, then they should have used contraception. To make a relationship (even a parent-children one!) work, it has to be two-ways. No matter how old (even an old parent) you are, you can try to understand this give-and-take, and you can at least try to change your behaviour. Don’t get me wrong! It’s not that I am an ungrateful brat. I love my parents! And I love my parents-in-law too!

When I was a child, I wished that I could live with my parents until the end of time. I still desperately wish I could do that. But they live in a humongous landed property in Katong (which is one of the ‘rich man area’ in Singapore). I can’t afford to buy there (more importantly, I don’t want my husband slaving his whole life paying off the mortgage). We (the 3 sisters) have tried to tell our parents to move into more ‘affordable’ housing, but Dad only wants to live there. Even my elder sister, who holds a very high post, and who makes a lot of money, is ‘helpless’. So what if she makes a lot of money? It does not mean that my parent’s neighbours will sell their property to her, even if she wanted to buy. Because they, just like my parents, want to live (only) there. These ‘rich old people’ of that neighbourhood don’t need more of our money! 🤣

It is the same case with my parents-in-law (PIL).  It is hard to get them to do things different from what they are used to. For example, I invited them to move in with us (my husband and myself) in late Nov 2014. But even simple things like washing the bedsheets turned out to be a battle, because the PIL had all along (only), and they (only) wanted their bedsheets washed every Wednesday (same-old same-old for the past 50 years). Co-ordinating laundry space became a big challenge because singlets were to be washed every 2nd Tuesday of the month, and shorts on every 2nd last Friday. I understand. They never had a dryer in their home, and everything was air-dried in the living room. Space was a huge constraint in their home, so their clothes were washed in scheduled batches. My mother-in-law did not stick bamboo poles of clothes out to dry, because many years ago when they lived in Clementi (a suburb in the West side of Singapore), a neighbour from upstairs threw a soiled sanitary pad out of the window. So that was that. My husband and I tried to get them to use our dryer at home, but there were many excuses why not: (1) don’t waste money on electricity, (2) the dryer will spoil your clothes. Public laundromats were a big no-no, because “it’s so dirty, everyone washes their dirty clothes there!”. They did not even want to hear about getting their clothes picked up, washed, dried and returned. When the clothes piled up and tensions got high, they always used the same retort: we are his parents, we raised him, and we paid for his education.

So this is the untold true story.

I contemplated whether I should sugar-coat my stories (because Feng Shui is supposed to work, and life should be perfect, unflawed, fine and dandy!), but I don’t want to do that. I’m not writing fiction. If I only tell you about the good side of every aspect of my life, then it is untrue. I don’t want to give you unrealistic expectations about how good Feng Shui really, really works! This is not a ‘politically correct’ website. It is a very real website of events that many real people face in the real world, albeit in varying degrees. I know that sometimes the media shows people who seem to have it all in their life, but if you think rationally about it, how can this be possible? Read my take on leading a perfect life in ____.

As children, we must be grateful. Whatever you think about this subject, there is no denying that they are our parents. So try, try again, try again and then try again to look after your parents to the best of your ability! If you can spare a little money, then give them some money. If you have time, then take them out. Even if you can only manage $100 a month, and you can only take them out once every 2 months, that is good too. I applaud you! 👏👏👏 I know of people who dump their parents, and they want nothing to do with them!

Till today, I am still trying to convert my parents and my PIL.  They drive me crazy! 😅 On some days, it seems my husband and I have made progress, and some days it seems everyone took a big step backwards 😥. I am absolutely baffled!? But our parents are human, and they are getting old. Their body is ‘no longer as strong’ as they used to be, so perhaps they find solace in routine. Giving up on our parents is not an option for me, and it is not for you either! You want to know why? Keep reading my blog. If you believe in Feng Shui, and you want to make Feng Shui work, you won’t give up on your parents. Trust me! Fighting! 💪