So I am surprised at how my thoughts have changed over the years. From being angry and silently stewing inside as a child, to pretending that all is well in my twenties, to the thick-skinned and shameless me in my adult years. Which one is the real me? Was I born a little lamb? Or was it because I had to do whatever it took to survive in this hard world? Was it because I swallowed my pride that I made Feng Shui work? If it were so, why am I experiencing a change again in recent years, knowing full well of the implications? I never thought about whether it was alright or not to harbour vengeful thoughts. If it ever crept up, I would find excuses to deny it, and I would squash it immediately. I never had any long-term dealings with vengeful thoughts. It was only towards the end of Year 2017 that ‘the incident happened’ and the self-sacrificing me disappeared. It was then that I told myself that it was perfectly alright to take revenge on whoever had wronged me. And you know what? After a whole year of plotting revenge, I’m out of energy! Kaput! Gosh, it takes energy to deal with vengeful thoughts. Forget about dealing with vengeful thoughts, you have better things to do lah!
我对我多年来想法的变化感到有一点惊讶。 记得年幼时期， 我是把生气悄悄地炖到心里， 二十多岁时我假装一切都很好， 没想到成年的我要厚脸皮无耻地假装一切都很好。 哪一个是真正的我？ 我本性是一只小绵羊吗？ 还是因为我必须在这个艰难的世界生存， 我才强行的顺应群众呢？ 我为了让好风水实现， 是不是吞下了自己的骄傲？如果是这样的话，为什么我近年来又经历了一次想法的变化？ 难道我没有考虑并充分了解其影响？老实说， 我从来没有想过是否可以怀有复仇的想法。如果复仇的想法悄悄进入我的脑海里， 我会找借口否认它， 马上压扁它。 总之， 和复仇有关系的想法， 我都没有接触它就对了。仅在二零一七年年底，随着那事件的发生，‘自我牺牲’的想法也消失了。 我告诉自己，有仇必报。 但你知道吗？ 经过一年的复仇策划，我精力充沛！ 天哪！！！原来复仇策划需要那么多的精力！ 我劝你摆脱复仇的想法，你有更好的事情要做！
As quickly as the vengeful thoughts penetrated my mind, the logical mind stepped in. It told me: “Look, snap out of it! Siti is your helper, she is not your enemy. If she were to be your helper, it would be better to have a happy helper than an unhappy one.”
我承认， 复仇的想法很迅速的渗透到我的脑海中，但， 逻辑思维的想法也很快介入。它告诉我：“西蒂是你的帮手，她不是你的敌人！ 帮手最好是快乐的，不快乐的帮手对你有用吗？”
“Ugly duckling? You want your helper to look like ugly duckling? Remember that she has a terrible habit (unconsciously?) of touching her face and her hair when she is doing her chores? Remember how eerie you felt when you imagined her pimple pus smearing onto your clean clothes? Eeee…”
“丑小鸭？你想让你的帮手看起来像丑小鸭吗？你记得吗？ 她在做家务时有一种坏习惯（是不知不觉的坏习惯吗？）， 她喜欢触摸她的脸和她的头发？你记得你是很难才克服你的痼癖吧？！ 想到她挤压她的疙瘩时， 浓浓的疙瘩脓抹在你干净的衣服？可怕！！！”
“For goodness sake, you are a Feng Shui writer, and you are supposed to inspire people to do good! How can you be so ‘kiam ka na’ (petty minded) about toiletries? I’m so ashamed of you!!! Thanks to your very own ‘pour-your-heart-out’ website, the whole world knows that your husband’s income falls in Singapore’s top 15% bracket. How good will you look if your helper goes out dressed in rags and looking unkempt?”
“你自称你是一位风水作家， 你想鼓励人们做好事， 但你却小心眼跟你的女佣斤斤计较洗漱用品和化妆品？ 我为你感到羞耻！！！ 应为你这‘掏心’的网站， 全世界都知道你先生的收入在新加坡的前十五百分率。 如果你的帮手穿着衣衫褴褛，看起来蓬头垢面，你抬得起头吗？”
“Are you so free to watch over her every move 24/7? You better not piss her off because she might stir her dirty finger in your drinking water before she serves it to you! Or she might spit in your soup! Imagine that!!!”
“你打算监视她的每一举一动吗？ 你最好不要得罪她， 不然她可能会把她的脏手指放在她端给你的饮用水中！ 就算她吐痰进你的汤里， 你会知道吗！恐怖！！！”
“Who can tell the future? You might need her one day, if you fall sick and you end up in a wheelchair. Don’t depend on your ‘hopeless’ PIL to look after you! You have better luck if you curry favour with Siti. She might treat you well to repay the kindness that you show to her now.”
“谁能预示着未来？有一天你生病了， 坐在轮椅上, 你可能需要她。 你不指望你那两个老人家来照顾你！ 如果你讨好西蒂， 她到时可能会很好地对待你，以回报你现在向她展示的善意。”
“If she quits, guess who has to do all the housework?! And this time, it’s not your hubby’s laundry that you have to wash, you also have to wash those belonging to the 2 elderly. That’s a lot of laundry!”
“如果她生气了， 明天就吵着要回国， 你猜猜谁必须做所有的家务？！ 是你呀！！！ 但这一次，你不仅要洗你先生的做工衣服， 你好要洗那两位老人家的衣服。 那是很多， 很多的衣服！”
So you see, once you let your logical mind take over, those vengeful thoughts seem so trivial and unimportant. The grass is greener on this side, trust me! LOL! That’s why people always lament that “we are the the mercy of our maid.”
你看，一旦你让你冷静的思考，那些复仇的想法似乎是微不足道，变得不重要了。 哈哈哈！ 相信我， 这边的草更绿！ 人们不是总感叹： “我们都要看女佣的脸色。”
