My husband kept working long hours, trying to find his niche in this ‘dog’ world. I managed to find another job, but shortly after I started work, it became obvious that something was very wrong. My direct reporting supervisor kept telling me stories of her troubled family. Then it started. At first, it was just a $50 loan, then another $50. I did not want to lend her a third time, because I was also struggling with my finances! But how do I avoid her, seeing she was my direct supervisor? I was miserable again, but this time, it was not because of the long hours. It’s worse, don’t you think? My supervisor, upon seeing that I wasn’t going to lend her more money, started being funny with me. She would act busy when I asked her questions regarding my work, and if she could not avoid me totally, she gave me a nonsense answer to brush me off. But my dear readers, did you think that I would be so easily defeated? Of course not! After years of tough training in ‘Credit Control’ department in my previous job, what is so hard about figuring out some numbers? At least I no longer have to be on the phone the whole day begging people to pay up! So the overtime started again, but this time, I hung around the company’s resource library digging up old files, and trying to make sense of the case history and numbers. Working long hours to me is nothing! I am immune to long hours! 💃 There is nothing that cannot be figured out, especially where only numbers 🔢 are concerned. It’s just calculation of this plus this, or this minus that. ❎➕➖➗☑

It was there that I saw him for the first time. He was not very handsome, neither was he tall, but he dressed really well. Immaculate. I thought to myself: “He must be very rich.” It was exactly how I imagined a successful man would dress like:  tailored shirt, cuff links, polished shoes. Suave! And when most people in the office were showing signs of thinning hair, he had a head full of lustrous thick hair! But of course he did not pay attention to me. I never expected him to anyway, because in my mind, he must be a very rich man. He must have a bevy of girlfriends! Then one time, we met at the lift lobby, and I remember that I was digging around for my bus pass, and in my haste, my identity card dropped to the floor. He picked it up, and on hindsight, I guess he must have taken a glimpse at the printed address that still showed my mum’s landed property address (I have not had time to go to the police station to change the address to #04-94 yet.).

The next day, I was surprised when he approached me. I was instantly hooked, because in addition to looking fabulous, cultured and ultra-rich in those splendid tailored clothes and pants, he spoke very well! I was flattered that he would even pay attention to me. We quickly became friends because he was single, and I was a very lonely married woman. Because my work was still not going well, and my pay was still very low, and my husband did not pay any attention to me, and my newly-acquired home was still looking very shabby, he felt like a ray of sunshine. I thought: This is it! My boat had finally arrived! It must be love at first sight for him, he’s going to fall head in love with me, and I could divorce and marry into his rich family! My problems are over! A few months later, I told my mum that I wanted to marry someone else. Of course she had a fit, and she threatened me with this and that. She said I was a fool to believe that a single and rich man would fancy a pimply, balding and plump married woman. At that moment, the only emotion I felt towards my mum was hate. I HATE HER! I HATE HER! I REALLY HATE HER! She doesn’t give me any reprieve from my miserable life, she still nags me about not giving her household allowance even when she knows I only earn a pittance (why the hell does she need $200 from me every month when she is so loaded!), and the fact of the matter is that she is not living my life! She has no idea how I live in despair every single day! I am just a zombie passing the days! To heck with morals and ethics, I want to break free from my miserable and poor (literally poor = no money) life!!! I just don’t care! Here’s my ticket to richness, and she can’t even understand and give me her support! I was fuming mad!

But of course, mum was right. It turned out the man was not on good terms with his mother, and though they lived in a big bungalow in Bukit Timah area, he slept in the small room behind, on the ground floor. He had many credit cards, and he was heavily in debt. In those days, a person could own many, many credit cards, and so ‘this successful-looking guy who dressed very well’, used this credit card to pay off that credit card bill. It took me another few months to see that it was a big sham! Both him and myself! We were just plain shams!!! He thought that he had hooked a fat fish (my rich parent’s daughter, me!) to pay off his credit card bills, but little did he know that my parents were not willing to even give me a cent! I thought I could marry a rich man, and that I was going to shake leg and live a blissful, carefree and happy life forever! So when we realised that we were both trying to find an easy way out of our problems, of course it’s goodbye without a backward glance. Obviously he did not love me, and I did not love him. We were just making use of each other! My mum was right! Boo hoo hoo! 😭😭😭

On that day that we (the sham) broke up, my husband did not say anything. He only held me quietly as I cried and cried and cried my heart out! But I was not crying because the man who dressed well did not love me, I cried because I was so tired of my miserable and no-money life, and I knew that there is no way out of it.

Boy! That was a good cry! It was another awakening moment for me! I knew then and there that nobody was coming to save me. I have to save myself! 💪 Since I felt like dying anyway, I will die saving myself! See if I will! 🏋💪

先生还是从早做到晚，在这‘狗’世界努力的找一个利基可以站稳脚跟生存。我换工作了。开工领第一份薪水后，主任马上把我拉到一旁，她说她家里有事，我可以借她五十块吗？我心想： 你是写我工作评估的主任，我不可以说不吧？! 一次，两次， 到了第三次，我不想借她！第一次借的钱，她还没有还我！我自身难保，根本没有钱借她！当然我请她吃闭门羹，就是我自寻绝路。她假装很忙，没有时间教我工作。我问她，她不理我。什么事她都丢给我，自己跑掉， 把一切推到我身上！那个年代，没有人跑去人事部告状的啦。。。世界还没有那么‘开放’， 很少有人权这样的事情！ 读者们， 你们以为我怕了吗？ 当然不！ 想想我是怎么熬过来的？每天在‘信贷控制’受的训练现在可以排上用场了。只是数字，难不倒我！数字是加、减、乘、除，只要摸索，一定查得出！起码在这份工作，我不用打电话向那些乌龟^*%#@讨钱！ 我在这间公司熬夜的日子开始了. 你们说，熬夜比较难，还是面对怀敌意的主任更糟？

每天放工后，我就往公司资源库跑一趟，找工作需要的资料。在那儿，我第一次看见他。他不是很帅，人也不是很高。不过他穿了一身我认为是‘成功的味道’：量身定制的衬衫，量身定做的裤子，袖扣。一个字： 完美。 我想： 这样的穿法不便宜, 他一定很有钱。 他根本不理我，不看我一眼。我没感觉难过啦。毕竟他这么有钱，又是单身汉，一定结交了很多女朋友。 那一天，我放工了，在电梯大厅忙着找公车卡，不小心身份证掉在地上。他帮我捡起来。我想应该是那时候，他秒了我身份证里的地址。搬到#04-94，我还没有找出时间到警察局换地址。身份证上的地址还是我妈妈的大洋房地址。第二天，他主动和我微笑打招呼。我心想：他肯定是对我一见钟情！就这样，我们变成了好友。一起吃饭，在公司开会时，有人在我旁边一起作战，感觉真好！我开始有念头： 可能他会疯狂迷恋我，太好了！我可以嫁进豪门，成天游手好闲，做有钱人家的少奶奶！面部按摩、 spa、 修指甲、名牌衣服包包，我来了！ 🏌️‍♀️💅n👸🛀👠💍💎🎺

没想到美梦成真，我不敢相信我的好运！我告诉妈妈我要离婚，然后和这个男人结婚。我妈妈又喊又骂，说我是个疯子！她叫我用我的头脑想一想，这么好条件的男人为什么会‘惹一身泥’和一个满脸长满青春痘、头发稀疏又胖的已婚女人在一起？我真的很生气，我终于找到一个有钱人，为什么妈妈一定要诅咒我们的爱？！我恨我妈吗! 我恨她！我真的很恨她！她的确是我人生中的绊脚石，我们八字一定是相克！这个女人不但没有救我，反而还踹我一脚！诅咒我！ 当时在我心里，我真的认为我时来运转！不用再做这份消耗能量的工作， 我很快会很有钱咯！先生就继续把他的人生卖给他打工的公司吧，反正他没时间不理我！我们这份婚姻早就没有意思了。永别了#04-94，我搬去住大洋房了！

在我不知情的情况下，那男人提出辞呈。我去他家，哇！！！果然没有错，他是住武吉知马的大洋房的！不过他的房间真么是在厨房后面？那不是佣人谁的吗？我发觉这个男人和他妈妈的感情很恶劣，果然家家有难念的经，事情并不秒。过了不久，我发觉这不是一个美好的图片。这男人有很多信用卡（当时一个人可以申请很多张信用卡，而且每间银行会给你三倍你的月薪信用额度，不像现在还看总信用额度），欠了每间银行很多钱。他的‘理财’技巧是用A银行的信用卡还B银行的信用卡账单，然后再用C银行的信用卡还A银行的信用卡账单。实在难以置信，不过他签了渐近十万块钱。即使那个时候，我听到我头脑里的警笛铃声，不过我还是安慰我自己没事，他家里这么有钱，应该没事， 没事。一个月后，他就留在家里游手好闲。他每天跟我讨十块钱，说他需要钱吃饭。读者们，你们说情况是不是真的很不妙？😟 这根本是一个骗局！他以为我有钱的父母给我钱，我却以为他有钱的父母给他钱！其实我们两个自身难保！我们两个都是大骗子！！！有一天，我不肯再给他‘零用钱’，他转头就走。我也没有去追他。回家后，我先生没说什么，只是静静的抱住我。我哭了又哭，这泪水真的把我的心哭出来。我哭并不是应为那男人不爱我，应为。。。我也不爱他呀！他只是要找一条好路可以走，我也只是要找一条容易的路走。我们的我爱你，你爱我，根本是骗彼此的！

这一哭真的净化了我：我身体，我头脑，我的心！我很清楚，我知道了： 没有人会来救我，世界上没有白马王子，也没有灰姑娘。反正我想死又死不了， 那么就#@*&……￥%的， 让我搏一搏吧！ 看是我先死， 还是‘上天’饶了我！ 我决定靠我自己！ 🤜 我终于清醒了！ 万岁！ 🎉 万岁！ 🎉 万岁！ 🎉